His Strength Is Made Perfect In Our Weakness

24 transfusions. 7 procedures. 3 long hospital stays.

This month has been the hardest of our lives. Not only has Michael endured the ongoing internal bleeding and our family has been separated, but we have been hit with one painful thing after another.

The cancer has grown.

The procedure didn't work.

You're not going home any time soon.

There may be a new malignant mass.

Your brother/brother-in-law is in heaven now.

A potentially life-changing surgery is probably your only option.

But yet God's goodness, His divine mercy, and abundant faithfulness have been all around us. While we are forced to be still, while we are waiting on pathology, while we are separated and cannot grieve together as a family, while options look limited, while weariness tries to take us into its grip - we will "wait upon the Lord, and He will renew our strength. We will soar on wings like eagles, will run and not grow weary, will walk and not be faint."

Regardless of how the storm rages, how dark things look, or how heavy the pain is -- and oh, it is heavy. We know His ways are not our ways; they are better, even when it doesn't make sense. And in this season, we are choosing to see the evidence of God's grace upon our family over and over again.

Our kids are taken care of.

A community of prayer warriors surrounds us.

Our family is fed and provided for.

Friendships have turned into family.

Michael has had beautiful opportunities to be a light.

God has sent so many believing medical staff to his side to encourage him.

Our church and church family have stood with us.

The armor is on.

We've felt His presence and a palpable peace that doesn't make sense.

God is mending hearts and bringing comfort in our grief.

Every one of these things and more I treasure in my heart. But the thing Michael and I have both loved in this season is the nearness of our Father. And I can tell you something: no matter who you are, whether you have walked with Him for several decades or have not yet personally experienced the height and depth of His love for you, I can tell you this:

He wants you to know Him more. The Creator of all things wants uniterrupted time with you. And He loves you enough to keep fighting for your complete attention.

Even after walking with the Lord since my youth, this still blows me away. He loves hearing from you, son or daughter. He will be there even if your prayers are sporadic or your faith feels weak, but His desire for you is to experience His presence and power like you've never experienced before -- and that means more time with Him. Day in and day out. Not just on the weekend. Not after your schedule has slowed down. Not just when there aren't other options. He wants to give you the gifts you have access to as children of the one true King.

A love that conquers all fear.

A peace that surpasses understanding.

A power over sickness, spiritual attack, and disease.

A heart that is healed from rejection and loss.

A set of eyes that see things in a heavenly perspective.

A freedom that comes from abiding in Him alone.

A future filled with hope.

These are all things we read about, sing about, and long for, but they are also gifts waiting to be received. I know because I'm living it, and it's so, so beautiful.

Are we still grieving? Yes. My brother wasn't just my dearest friend; Michael loved him just as fiercely.

Is it hard not being in control? Of course. Michael went from seeing great success with treatments to being told he can't do anything to fight it right now. The stress of the hospital stays has taken its toll.

Yet we see the Lord working in all these things. We've been humbled and blown away by the kindness of strangers, the community of saints praying, the love of family and friends, and we've already seen prayers answered several times over.

And God's not done.

So as we wait, keep praying, knocking, asking in faith. We're believing with you. We're still praying that Michael will not have to have this major surgery (a duodenectomy, or worst case, a whipple), and of course, for complete and total healing from cancer.

He's done it before. He can do it again.

Great is Your faithfulness to us, Lord. Your mercies are never-ending. "Although my heart and flesh may fail; You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Thank you that you comfort those who mourn and you bring rest to the weary. Thank you for reminding me of your promises again and again. I can't wait to see what you do.